ya vas a ver
my skin-picking has been getting worse very rapidly these last two weeks, and tonight i had a total breakdown about it. talking to z, i realized how bad it really made me feel, that i believe no one – including no family member or any entity – could love me if they knew or saw how ugly i was, how weird and awkward. without even trying to argue with myself as to whether or not that’s true, i can at least non-controvertibly see that the picking really hurts me down to the core. i never think about it when i’m doing it; i’m always just trying to stop. even when i’m not doing it, i’m always just trying to stop, and i range between being flippant, sarcastic, and harsh to myself about it. but seeing the situation a little more as it really is, i don’t feel as much of an urge to do it anymore. it’s been two hours, and that’s alot for how i’ve been lately. i went to bathroom for more than a minute and didn’t do it. i was so scared, and it’s felt so inspiring to get through every minute i’m alone without picking tonight.
i can’t believe how honest i let myself be with him. i feel so much better, but i had made it so hard for him to figure out what’s wrong / why i was so upset. i hope i can help him or ANYONE as much as he has me.
